My Ex Brother-In-Law

Today a post on Facebook brought up a memory from long ago that I’d been keeping in the deep corners of my mind but I decided it was time to put the events down in words incase the subject ever came up again as I wanted my version kept for future reference.

When my daughter was in year 6 at school, her bio father (my ex Narc) started going on that when she started high school that she would go and live with him.  I, personally was not prepared to allow that to happen.  So I decided that my daughter and I would return to our hometown so she would be closer to him and both of our families.

A small part of this part of my life is quickly mentioned in My Family Tree I’m explaining it further here as I have only explained the full incident to a couple of people including my daughter and my loving husband.

My step sister M and her husband M at that time, offered for my daughter and I to stay in their home while I saved the money to get a rental property of our own.  I had thankfully secured employment in my home town in a furniture shop before we moved so that was great.  Not that my NF thought so.  He believed there were people in my hometown who were better qualified than I was.

I got my daughter settled into her new school, which just happened to be the very same school I had attended when I was her age.  Boy had it changed.  Within days, I had been called to the principal’s office because my daughter had made friends with an indigenous girl, which ‘she shouldn’t have done’ the principal told me, ‘she should play with girls her own kind’.  We had gone from a school where she played every day with Thursday Islander’s, Kiwi’s, children from many nations and Australian or ‘white’ children in the playground and here in our home town we were being told that she could not play with them at school.  I was furious, but held my tongue, I had to remember that we were but 3 hours away from where we once lived and things were very different here.  Blacks do not play with white, dem is the rules.  F#@k the rules! … My daughter has played with children of all colours since she was 2 years old and I am not about to tell her she cannot play with them now she is 11.

So yes, both of us were on the outer from the start.  At my step sisters home, yes I should call her my sister, and at one time I did, but years of separation have changed that.  She doesn’t feel like a sister, and has never treated me as one.  But back to what happened.

She tried to include me and understand my side of situation at school but told me that my daughter needed to fit in with the students if she wanted to make friends.  I was starting to think I should of stayed where we were.  I also noticed that every night her mother and my NF called and chatted to her and her husband, for long periods of time.  They never once asked about my daughter or I and they never asked to speak to us.  The only time I EVER heard from my NF or my stepmother was when I called them.

Anyhow, I have always suffered from chronic migraines and I had taught my daughter how to massage my neck and rub the little tension lumps in my neck to help give me relief.  My BIL saw her doing this one night and offered to do it for her and she said ‘great, I hate doing this’.  So he sat down and rubbed my neck for about 20 mins.  I thanked him and thought nothing of it.  Until the next night when he offered to do it again, and then the night after and the night after … Are you getting the idea? …

When my SS found out she was pregnant with her first child and she was ecstatic.  I was also so very happy for her as she had been trying for a child for a long time.  I was saving money as fast as I could so I could move out so they could get their nursery ready for the baby.  They had a 3 bedroom home, my daughter slept in one room and I slept in another, while my SS and her husband had the master.

One night while massaging my neck, which I was starting to feel very uncomfortable about by this stage, as it had been going on for about 2 weeks, his hand slipped down my back and around across my right breast and back up again.  I brought both my arms down and held them really tight across my boobs and held them there for a moment and then said I had to go to the toilet, thank you for the massage, and got up.

The next night he offered me a massage I told him I didn’t have a migraine and didn’t need one.  I said that every time he asked me from that time on.

I started going to bed early and reading books so I didn’t have to sit watching TV with both of them.  One night I was asleep and I woke up to him trying to touch me under the covers.  Another night, I woke up to find him trying to get into my bed, and it was a single bed!  Another night I woke up to find him spooning me! …

His wife was pregnant with his first child and he was trying to get into my pants under  their roof.  He obviously had no respect for his wife or his marriage.  I threatened to tell my SS and the family and he laughed at me and said ‘She won’t believe you, she will believe me, she loves me, they all love me, even ‘J’ loves me (my NF), they call you the slut, they won’t believe a word you say’.’

I knew it was true.  I was the black sheep of the family and to this day I still am.  I am the child of the first marriage.  Once my NF remarried, he didn’t want me part of his ‘new’ family and because I was so much like him ‘as his mother used to tell me’ that is why we clashed to much.  Personally, I think it was because I reminded him of his first marriage and he just wanted that part of his life gone!  Plus, I wasn’t prepared to go along with his egotistical rules.  These I now know are the ways of a narc.

I had to get my daughter out from under their roof, the only way was to ask my NF for a loan of the extra money I needed to get a rental.  As you can imagine, I got a mouthful of abuse from him for being an ‘ungrateful bitch’ because ‘M & M had taken us in and offered us a home’.  I so desperately wanted to spit what had happened in his face, but I knew it wouldn’t do anything, after all they saw me as the bad egg/slut of the family.  And true to form, every time I saw my NF after that, the very first thing he said was ‘Have you got my money?’  No hello, how are you?, it was always about my NF’s money.  Always has been, always will be.

So I rented a little house close to my daughters school.  My BIL came around to our house several times and I refused to let him in.  He had no business being on my doorstep at all hours of the night, he should of been home with his wife.  One night he called early and said he had a dog he thought we may be interested in, so I told him I would come around when my SS got home from work.  That was when we met Rosie-Lea, my very first Chihuahua.  I do believe it was also the last time I saw my SS or my BIL.

Meanwhile, the reason we moved to my hometown was so my daughters father and her could spend more time together, that wasn’t happening.  He always had an excuse why he couldn’t see her, typical NF.  My family acted like we weren’t even there and didn’t include us in anything they did.  After 9 months I started wondering why I even moved us there.  My daughters father couldn’t make time for her neither did her grandparents n my side.  I hated my job, we had no friends, what the f#@k did I up root us for in the first place and put us in this horrible situation???

So a decision had to be made, do we move back to where we were before, or do we move south to the big smoke?  A few days away was in order, so we drove down to Brisbane to see a friend and see how we felt.  Which is all we needed.  Yes, we could of moved back to where we had lived before where it was safe and we had extended family and friends, or we could move south to the big city, a few friends, opportunities for myself workwise and future wise for my daughter.  The decision to move south was the best for my daughter and I.  Move forward and on with our lives.

I coped so much abuse for leaving from all of them.  Again, I was an ungrateful bitch, plus other words I will not put here.  My daughter would suffer, her education would suffer, what about her spending time with her family?  What about her spending time with her father?  WTF, we had been there for 9 months and none of them had made an effort to spend any time with her.

So we moved south and stayed with friends that we knew from Mackay while I found work and saved again for the deposit on a rental.  Because what I had saved before had been used on getting us down south.  This time we were both safe and happy.  Yes it took me well over an hour to get to work, but my daughter had a nice Korean friend at school which was allowed, and she was finally happy too.

My daughter had been the first grandchild until my SS had her first child.  My daughter received a birthday card and usually a gift every year from my NF and his wife, who my daughter called Poppy and Nanna V, except for the year my SS had her first child, D.  She was born 2 days before my daughter’s 12th birthday.

From that day to this my daughter hasn’t received another birthday card.  How do you explain to a teenager that her Grandparents have dropped her down in the pecking order due to the birth of a new grandchild, or because her mother had packed them both up and moved them both to another town because her mother wouldn’t tow the line with her narc father and her narc ex.

Many years later, I heard through the grapevine that my SS and her husband were divorced.  He had been sleeping around on her.  Yeah, I saw that coming big time!

I honestly pissed myself laughing and I was on a high for weeks after that.  Sorry if that sounds horrible but I couldn’t help myself.  Karma finally paid a visit.

He was trying to get into my pants before my SS fell pregnant with their first child and they went on to have 3 kids.  So my guess is he always played around on her.  No one would’ve believed me if I had of spoken out, and I know what he said was true, because they did put him up on really high on that pedestal and they were the idiots, not me.  I got my daughter and I out of there as soon as I could, even if I had to cop a hell of a lot of  abuse to do so.

They may think they have a perfect world which also gives them the right to make judgements about others and yes I may wish I had a real family eg: parents that cared and were around, but honestly, when I look back over my life and I remember how f#@ked they really are and how they ‘pretend’ to the world how ‘perfect’ they are, I’ll take the life I have with my daughter anyday.  Because at least I have lived my life true.

Take care xxx

©Narcissistic Truth & Klea